the world according to a procrastinating daydreamer

I said two days ago that I’m gonna try harder not to be late for work. And I indeed got better!

I wasn’t late 2 days in a row. Yepee!

Keep it coming! Hope this would really go on.

This is definitely better!

I was late to work.  Again! 

Damn.
To think I even have my new year’s resolution about going to work ON TIME. Oh my, oh my…

This sleeping in is a disease! I think I can expect a notice anytime now.

Grrr… Frustrating, hilarious, and not a very good thing to do.

I’ll try again tomorrow…

My thoughts have been unsettled for quite some time now. I’ve been worrying about the new changes in my life and thinking about their uncertainty makes me feel frustrated, sad and restless. I don’t know what good is waiting for me at this career change I’m in right now. I feel so unsure whether I have made the right choice or not. Failing would be a terrible shame. Shame because a lot is expected from me. I guess being so good has its down side. When a lot is expected from you, you feel pressured in making decisions. At this point of my life right now I can’t afford to fail. I’m not getting any younger and my time limit is near. I guess this is my last chance to make things right and to make things out of myself.

I can’t help but feel sad about this whole situation. I feel like I have no one to turn to and no one to talk to. There’s no one to assure me that things will be ok. If only I can fore tell the future and see which decisions will bring good results. But I guess life doesn’t happen that way. I need to skim through life blind and in darkness. I guess I will only have laughter to tell me whether I was right, or tears to tell me that I was wrong.

I really don’t know what to do right now. These emotions just won’t settle down. I’m scared, I’m sad, I’m… I really don’t know anymore.

Shower me with roses, shower me with love-

Wrap your arms around me let me feel your love…

Roses so red, so soft and so fragrant…

That’s how you are to me,  that’s my love for you.

Roses so red,   roses so fragrant,    roses so soft,   roses so lovely…

That’s my love for you.

Roses are red,  Roses are red…

Dividing my time between writing (as a job), thinking about him, texting bros to check them up, thinking of him, lunch with Jen, thinking of him, and writing.

My mind is divided, it’s lost among the worries, fears and love. My heart is nowhere near me. It’s in AZ. I try not to cry, I try not to think. Things are gonna be fine. He’s going to be fine. The birthday will be fine.

What’s next for me. If not with him then it’s me alone, alone, alone and sad.

Hate the distance but I love God. There’s a reason. We both know that. Are we unfortunate? But love is a wonderful gift. So I think not. Distance is just distance. But love is love.

Gotta go home now. Gotta think of him. Even if I don’t, my heart and my mind will always do.
 
Love you. I know you know. GOOD. =]

Honey,

I will always love you now until forever…I have loved you for how many lifetimes, I will love you till the next ones…

Always and Forever…

I’ve been working as a writer for four months now and by far, I can confidently say that this is the smartest career move have I made so far. Me being a writer never ever crossed my mind as a young dreamer. I have always wanted to live a corporate life. Luckily though I was given a chance to live out that dream. My one year stint in Manila made me experience just that. But soon I learned, corporate life is a very cut-throat venue and for a peace loving country girl that I am, I realize I couldn’t stand all the pushing and stepping just so you could grab the favor of your bosses. Soon enough I realized I had to compromise my values if I wanted to stay.

Yes I was earning a lot and I have a lucrative job ( meaning stressful and fast-paced). I was spending left and right for the things I have always wanted that they barely fit my closet. Dining and nightlife was my way to de-stress. I partied out with friends and met people. Then after all these I would go home alone asking my self, why I still felt lacking? In short I wasn’t happy. I realized money is not everything and the dream job you’ve always wanted could turn out not so right for you. That’s when I decided to leave the big city and return to the comforts of my humble home. My return had been a soul searching time for me. And luckily, God showed me the right thing that I should be doing, Writing.

It came as a “no choice” opportunity for me. I applied because that’s the only job offer I think I can do. When I applied the only training I carried with me was essay writing tasks in gradeschool. The company asked me to write a sample article and upon doing so I made sure I didn’t have any wrong grammars and that’s it. The rest they say is history.

Everyday since I’ve been loving this job more and more. Everyday I look forward to tapping the computer. Everyday I’m excited to pull out things from my brain so I could write something. It is exciting.

Right now I don’t receive a paycheck as high as my previous job but I realize this is the job that I want. The brain storming is very challenging and the appreciation of my work is very fulfilling. That’s more important to me. What’s more I wanna improve on this. I am greatly looking forward to that day.

In life, we are handed things that we’ve always wanted just to realize we don’t want it all along. Things and people that are meant for us could come from unimaginable circumstance and unexpected turns. And whatever our experiences may be, we should make sure that each day we learn something from it. Those lessons will make us wiser and will be useful for the coming things we think we want.

How could you say you love me

if your words seemed prevented

How could you show me love

when mine eyes blurred w/ pain…

I know I have to trust you,

I know I must give up

Lead me to the right way

I dont know the path…

I never searched for you,

It’s you who found and lost-

I do intend to love you

Don’t run-

you must hold on…

I know you’re scared and tired

I too but I dont tell,

Together we can make it

We’ll make the tears dissappear;

So please stay with me I beg you

Give our love a chance,

From this day forth we’ll never cry,

If you stay my love- if you stay with me….

In every life’s situation, we always find a confidant whom we can do all sorts of things together. One moment you are strangers, the next you are introduced by some chances; and then you’re bestfriends. As i was reflecting on the past stages of my life, I remember my bestfriends. And though i’ve never made a very lots of friends, I’ve kept my friendships w/ these people.

Luchie
She’s my bestfriend in gradeschool. The first time we met, I made her cry. I remember bullying her and breaking her pencil. So she went up to the teacher and reported me. The teacher made us apologize to each other, and as innocent as we are, we hugged when she told us to. Come recess time, we were hanging out together. That was the beginning of my first adventures w/ my first bestfriend. After that, unitl 6th grade, everyday we were together at school. We ate together and exchanged lunch when we hated our food. Luchie is very kind and giving. We never argued or quarreled during our time together. When we reached high school, we went to different schools. We had different lives and different friends. I miss her. Now, we sometimes pass by each other on the street. An excited smile and demeanor is always exchanged, a short chat, a hug — the same we give each other then, then a hesitant goodbye before we part ways again. We never know when will we see each other again. But one thing’s for sure, we were bestfriends then, we are bestfriends forever.

Criselle
When i reached highschool, another incident prompted my friendship w/ my high school bestfriend Criselle. I cant remember the details but i think i made her cry again. One afternoon, after i made her cry and making ammends w/ her, upon going home i stepped into a dog’s poo. It was terrible and embarrassing. But criselle came back for me and helped me take it off. She stayed w/ me and when everythings fine she walked w/ me home. That was an afternoon i will never ever forget. That afternoon I found a special person who will be there for me at all cost. Since then we were inseperable. We even dress and style our hairs alike that our classmates started tagging us twins. Criselle is very cheerful and playful. She’s innocent and kind. Believe it or not until we graduated she still refused to believe that Santa Claus is not real. She cried over this you know. Our bully friend insisted the idea and she was really heart broken. When we went to college she also went to a different school. Since then, we only communicated through seldom text messages. She even got married but I was never able to attend. But even so, everytime our class would gather, though she’s not present; everyone still looks for my twin. And I’m still happy and thrilled with the thought. Criselle has a new life now. But wherever we are, we still make sure that we are each other’s bestfriend.

Mailai and Jade

Of all my bestfriends, these two are on top of the list. We were classmates in highschool, roommates in college, and we all went to the same university and took the same classes. Our friendship started during a heartbreak in higschool. Since then, we were together; from nightouts, to classes; happy moments to the sad ones. We went through spiritual and life changes altogether that now, one blink of an eye and we know what each other means to say. Till this day we make it a point to see eac other often. I have so many things to share but I fear this page won’t suffice.

I don’t see some of my bestfriends often anymore. But with every rare chance that we do, we still exude that very same ” I will be here for you” feeling towards each other. Though they got married or still striving on careers, and wherever we are at right now, the memories of our past together is what binds us and makes us forever friends.

In life, we would have never made it through the happy and sad moments without a bestfriend….