the world according to a procrastinating daydreamer

The world is not at all friendly. So how do you cope the hostility when all you want is to be at peace with everybody? People have come and gone, but every departure left only hurt; sometimes along with it left good memories, some of it left pain and intentional hurting. Everyone has the right to be angry and be hostile too if they were pained by someone.

I have the right to be angry. I’ve been aggressed too many times. But still i wont. I’m trying to keep peace with the world. I’m keeping my tears to myself. The world will not protect me. Everyone had been wounded. All of us is in pain. I guess this is just how the world works. Life’s thorns are meant to scar. Look around. Everyday people are threatened by hurt. Though you dont see it in a glance, but you know everyone is in tears. You can only wish them well.

I’ll continue on my traverse of life though scars will still be part of it. I’ll heal myself. I take it all in. I dont expect someone to shield me. No one is responsible for me.

“Whose that old lady behind you???” That was the unforgetable line I told this poor kid whom we met at an online chat. Everytime I remeber that moment I would unfailingly give a hint of smile and laugh my heart out silently. It was just so funny  yet absolutely mean for our part. You see, one night my friend and I met this 15 year old boy on a chatroom. We were on a webcam and he can see us two while he’s alone with their living room in the background. This boy, I forgot his name, was obviously very young yet he’s trying to be cool and be the man. It was so obvious with his trying- to-be-smooth demeanor with us older girls. I remembered he’s all donned up with this hiphop apparels, from NY caps to the bling bling. Name it this kid just absolutely scream “wazzup yo!”. We had a pretty good conversation and all’s going well it’s just that we find him really young for us and we found his moves really amatuer and funny.

Then maybe as a form of punishment from an age heirarchy previledged person like us, I decided to teach this kid a lesson- by means of scaring the wits out of him. But ofcourse I never really assumed my plan would work then. Conspiring with my friend, we both acted as if we can indeed see someone sitting at a sofa behind him. At the middle of the chat we went, “Whose that old lady behind you? Is that your grandma? Say hi for us.“. He checked behind him and saw no one so he replied, “There’s no one there. I’m alone right now.” We insisted, “Are you kidding? Don’t be a liar up face. Who ever that girl is you don’t have to be ashamed…” .

This time he’s smiling as if thinking, yeah right. But then my friend kept on insisting that there’s someone behind him. She even described the old lady to have a long hair and she’s wearing white.

She’s sitting on a sofa and she’s looking in your direction we insisted. The kid kept looking back and tried to convince us that he’s alone. At first he’s still cool and easy and later on he looked disturbed and somehow close to convinced. But, after much persistence and acting like puzzled in our part, we made the ultimate  transformation of puzzled to extremely horrified. My last line would be ” She’s coming to you… Oh my god no eyes no eyes!!!”  paired with a really  scared and  terrified face from the two of us, and the poor kid scuttled off in a split second.

We couldn’t contain our laughter and my friend dropped to the floor teary eyed from that funny moment. I can’t fully describe the boy’s face but I can say that it was so awful and horrified that you’d laugh yourself. After we calmed down we waited for the boy to return. He didn’t. After several messages and buzzes still no appearnce of this awkward young boy. We figured he was really scared to bits.

But ofcourse we’re not all that mean so before we signed out, though he still haven’t come back, we typed our apologies and explained we were joking. We don’t know what happened next for him. We never encountered him again on the net. But whatever it is, we’re just glad that we taught him his lessons; and sorry at the same time for the fact that we embarrased this young boy who only wished to exercise his rights on an earlier time.

The Great Raid is probably my most favored war movie in terms of emotional attachement. By saying so i am being biased about my decision mainly because it is set in the Philippines and the movie is an excerpt from the Philippine- Japan war history, and the main fact that I am a Filipino who is proud to be one.

I am aware of the the fact that the movie is created inorder to raise awareness to the world about the experiences of the POWs under the Japanese’ hands. I acknowledge the bravery and valor of the US soldiers who risked their lives inorder to rescue their fellow soldiers. But on the sideline, the mention of Filipino attributes and contribution to this moment in history makes it the more important to me. Observing from the movie, the Filipino guerillas are brave and nationalistic people who only wish to protect its people. Although they are not taken seriously for the most part of the movie, all in all it shows how smart these people are. And concentrating on the bylines, you will notice the inherent Filipino kindness and apprehension to be aggressive because the Filipinos are a peace- loving people. The Filipinos have a big heart who loves harmony among its fellowmen. Maybe that’s why, most often than not, it is being misinterpreted as ignorance and lack of skills to fight.

I am proud of this movie. I am proud of how my people endured such abomination of our race. I am proud of how they helped the US soldiers endure in little ways. I am thankful for those US soldier who risked their lives in able to help my people. May my heartfelt gratitude reach you in prayers.

This movie brought important lessons. I learned it  never serves right to step on other people, and that eventually bravery and kindness will save us all. So let us all be brave and inorder to keep the world in balance, some things are ought to be sacrificed…

when you’re surrounded by boys in a place where appropriateness is your key to atleast not embarrass yourself, you tend to be cautious of what you must look and act for the very least. but today at work, i was surrounded by stupendous number of cute guys and someone is praying and everyone is quiet and im looking out on how im acting- instead of praying, i know i suck- when suddenly my not so quiet, croaky, stupidly irritating and embarrasing HICCUP decided to have a show! for a moment in a second there i thought of looking around for a horrendous and flabbergasted reaction of my not-so-demure behaviour. but i couldn’t afford to have a peek of those contorted faces- if they ever heard me croak- for i might loose a week of sleep and have horrible nightmares in between. so before they all absorb what just happened i decided to create a scene and use the hidden actress in me for the hopes of recieving some mercy. so what i did is that when the hiccups came i suddenly swerved to my backside and pretended to continue coughing in a very delicate-i-really-have-a cough-and-i-look-pitiful-coz-it’s-giving-me-a-hard-time kind of way. hehehe very evil isn’t it? and to think we’re in the middle of a prayer…tsk tsk tsk..after which i then decided to have a look in an i-dont-care-what-you-think-kind of fashion although i already feel soo embarrassed inside. but to my relief when i looked no one seems to care of what i just did and some are still bowing their heads concentrating in prayer while the others are busy tagging the others for some naughty talks about im-sure-it’s-not-about-me topics. then after a while the prayer ended and everyone went back to their work stations and continued working while i slumped back to my chair and continued with my very restrained and slightly quiet hiccuping. looking around i realize no one really cares about my hiccuping coz i noticed that i didn’t really blurted out gas that loudly. i could only hear it myself so i needn’t worry about it. after this awakening my hiccups suddenly halted with it’s stupuid show. i guess it only meant to startle my day in a bit. and now im fully awake. it’s 7 in the morning and the whole prayer lasted only for three minutes.

Due to the circumstance of URL block, which the company I work at is so eager to implement, I have been outcasted from my friendster network. all my friends are there, all of the philippines is there except those who live in the mountains, all of my happy networking galore is there. im blessed to have an internet connection at my workstation,and i am thankful, and blockage of youtube i can live with but i was hoping not with friendster! so this dilemma incured one thing (and networking is part of my system so no blames if im so eager to ahold of my addiction), and that is to sign up with myspace. i know there’s facebook and others but to non-americans or non-other country-ians, myspace is the closest bet to friendster. so, there i gathered all my wits to create an account, upload some pictures, invited some celebs coz they’re the only ones i know that habituate the outside world (except for my mother-side family in chicago whom i know will be too busy to have a friendster anyway),and waited for confirmations and waited for other invites for me. but alas none came for when i searched the archives i dont know a single person! i feel ridiculuous. my friends are just not there…so anyway, instead of sulking and grouching infront of my computer i just took a deep breath and settled my brain to the fact that ishould just start making friends to strangers. i guess something good will come out of this anyhow. i’ll just wait for a few days more. but still, im missing my friendster….

It’s 8:46 am and I’m here at an office where I am trying out to be a content writer. For a start, I have never intented nor studied to become a writer. I studied engineering in colege so obviously the literary world was a farfetched idea then. See how amazing fate works. Or should I say, economic instability that led me and other  graduates to jump in to a totally different path. I am not complaining. I am merely questioning life and its unsolicited elements. Before this stint, I have been to several job interviews that, although led to a favorable conclusion, concluded in only that; conclusion. It was very frustrating. To think that you’re really ready and that you thought you’d make it, but in the end they just look pass you. If only self advertising is not so vulgar and brow raising, I have already done it to point out my plans and ambitions. But I guess that’s the perk of being employed; you get to choose your own people.

So one morning, instead of being angry with God for the humiliation and frustration that He put me through, I’ve decided to just accept it and consider it His will. I thought that sure He can do whatever He wants to do with me. And bam! here I am. I was given a chance to display my hidden-coz-it’s-not-really-that-good talent. Gosh writing…what am I doing??? Will I be accepted? Please God stop with the humiliation already. I had too much. You know I’m very sensitive. I never, ever liked to be humiliated and feel embarrased.

So 20 minutes had passed. The boss haven’t still assigned me a job. It could mean a lot of things you know. Could be because she have no work for me to do and she’s just hesitant to shoo me out. But one thing though, when I prayed to God for guidance, I said I will never expect anything at all. So if I dont get in, that’s fine. I’d look for a job elsewhere. Never give up!

Okay you can throw me the results now. I’m ready….